Well, the short answer is: I was you not that long ago.
A life that from the outside looked pretty dang good, but inside I was a mess of stress, anxiety and a deep sadness and hopelessness about what my life was, with no real idea how to fix it.
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it was almost a full 35 years of on and off again hell for me.
My shitshow started at about age 8 and it wasn’t until almost age 43 that I learned the
TRUE and real and FINAL solution to the anxiety and low-level depression that plagued me.
But VERY VERY few people in my world had any idea I was struggling.
And it’s true, I looked like I had it all together. I had a good life. Even a great life by many standards.
(And that’s pretty common, actually. There’s an epidemic of people who seem like they have “the life” but inside are living a hell few know about. So if that’s you, know you’re far from alone.)
“Generalized anxiety” is what it was called, but it was almost always health-related fears.
Some OCD thrown in there at times for fun.
Maybe you know about that fun first hand, when anxiety
and OCD clasp hands and skip off into the sunset?
When things were good, things were good. But when I was in a spin cycle, my brain was so
focused on my fears that it’s amazing I was able to get through the days, but I did.
Yep, mine was a functional shitshow.
Therapy? Every. Single. Kind.
Talk therapy. Art therapy. Hypnosis. EMDR.
Acupuncture. Meditation. Yoga. Reiki.
Meds? Yep. Anti-depressants – “Happy pills” as so many call them – off and on for years.
I could likely keep going with the list, but I definitely feel like I tried “everything”.
Fast-forward to my early 40s, and if you’d asked me, I’d likely have said things were okay.
Turns out, I wasn’t fully aware of just how bad things had gotten until right as things started to
I was sitting on the floor of the playroom with my almost-two-year-old daughter, and I laughed
out loud with her.
And that laugh hit me like a ton of bricks.
All I could think of was how long it had been since I’d laughed.
Joyful, abundant, EASY laughter.
It was such an odd feeling that I just instantly realized it had been FOREVER since I’d laughed.
What had taken me to a place that allowed that easy laughter?
I had figured out what I wanted in my life. What I wanted to DO with my life.